---
title: "Effective Strategies for Handling Rude Emails from Medical Colleagues"
id: "bmj-4-how-should-i-deal-with-a-rude-email-from-a-colleague"
canonical_url: "https://medichelpline.com/clinical-feed/bmj-4-how-should-i-deal-with-a-rude-email-from-a-colleague"
content_type: "clinical_feed_article"
specialty: "General"
source_name: "BMJ"
source_url: "http://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1"
published_at: "2026-10-22T09:21:47.000Z"
evidence_level: "Journal Feed"
license: "CC-BY-NC-4.0 / Informational Use"
---
# Effective Strategies for Handling Rude Emails from Medical Colleagues
## Provenance & Clinical Metadata
- **Canonical URL:** https://medichelpline.com/clinical-feed/bmj-4-how-should-i-deal-with-a-rude-email-from-a-colleague
- **Specialty:** [General](https://medichelpline.com/clinical-feed/general.md)
- **Primary Source:** BMJ
- **Source URL:** [Original Journal Publication](http://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1)
- **Published At:** 2026-10-22T09:21:47.000Z
- **Evidence Rating:** Journal Feed
## Executive GIST (TL;DR)
- Healthcare professionals often encounter rude emails from colleagues, which can be unsettling and stressful. - Deborah Fradkin emphasizes assuming positive intent, recognizing emotional influence, and managing responses through emotional intelligence. - Fradkin also advises using a compassionate, direct response and escalating to management if behavior is repeated. - Nima Ghadiri recommends pausing before replying, focusing on factual and proportionate responses, and seeking clarification for unclear allegations. - Ghadiri stresses archiving correspondence and seeking workplace support when incivility affects job performance. - Maiedha Raza suggests avoiding opening emails mid-clinic, separating tone from content, and preferring phone or face-to-face communication for misunderstandings. - Raza advocates maintaining professionalism and clear boundaries while addressing abusive communication appropriately. - Kath Higgins advises identifying patient safety issues first, acknowledging personal emotional reactions, and responding professionally without escalating conflict. - Higgins recommends preserving rude emails for reference, avoiding public call-outs, and seeking support to maintain professionalism. - The article integrates psychological insights and practical communication frameworks like the situation-behavior-impact model to guide clinicians.
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How should I deal with... 2. How should I deal with a rude email from a colleague? Careers Careers Clinic # How should I deal with a rude email from a colleague? BMJ 2026; 395 doi: (Published 22 October 2026) Cite this as: BMJ 2026;395:e101152 * [Article](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152 "Article Tab - Article")[](https://www.bmj.com/panels_ajax_tab/jnl_bmj_tab_art/node:1129231/1 "Article Tab - Article") * [Related content](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152/related "Article Tab - Related Articles")[](https://www.bmj.com/panels_ajax_tab/jnl_bmj_tab_related_art/node:1129231/1 "Article Tab - Related Articles") * [Metrics](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152/article-info "Article Tab - Info & Metrics")[](https://www.bmj.com/panels_ajax_tab/jnl_bmj_tab_info/node:1129231/1 "Article Tab - Info & Metrics") * [Responses](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152/rapid-responses "BMJ Article Related Rapid Responses")[](https://www.bmj.com/panels_ajax_tab/bmj_related_rapid_responses/node:1129231/1 "BMJ Article Related Rapid Responses") * [Peer review](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152/peer-review "Article Tab - Peer review")[](https://www.bmj.com/panels_ajax_tab/jnl_bmj_tab_peer_review/node:1129231/1 "Article Tab - Peer review") * [](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152/submit-a-rapid-response "BMJ Rapid Responses Form")[](https://www.bmj.com/panels_ajax_tab/bmj_rapid_responses_form/node:1129231/1 "BMJ Rapid Responses Form") ![Loading](https://www.bmj.com/sites/all/modules/contrib/panels_ajax_tab/images/loading.gif) 1. Abi Rimmer [Author affiliations](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1) 1. The BMJ Receiving an unpleasant email can be unsettling, so give yourself time before responding, **Abi Rimmer** hears ## Assume positive intent ### Deborah Fradkin #### Consultant paediatric anaesthetist and civility educator “Ask yourself three questions: did they intend to be rude? What impact will I allow this to have on me? And what resolution do I want? “Kruger and colleagues found that we overestimate our ability to interpret email communications, especially discerning the sender’s intended emotions and tone.[1](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1#ref-1) Our own emotions at the time of reading are the strongest determinant of how we receive written information. Recognising that your immediate response may be an inaccurate reflection of the email’s intention is a difficult, but powerful, step to avoid miscommunication. Firstly, assume positive intent. “If your initial interpretation of rudeness stands, the next step is to choose how you let it affect you. In their book _Unstressable_ , Mo Gawdat and Alice Law explore emotional intelligence, understanding, and managing our emotions to limit the detrimental effect of rudeness.[2](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1#ref-2) Communication expert Jefferson Fisher’s ‘make breath your first word’ is a powerful response.[3](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1#ref-3) Breathe. A deep breath triggers our vagus nerve, slowing our heart rate and allowing the logical brain to engage. By remaining calm, we have a level head to respond, avoiding the double insult—the inner turmoil compounding the insulting email. “So, we’ve decided there isn’t an alternative interpretation, and we’ve put ourselves in the calmest mindset to manage it, now to choose the resolution we want. Yes, we have a choice. “A ‘reply all’ call out of the outlandish behaviour may feel satisfying in the moment but risks you being interpreted as rude, escalating the hostility. Rising above the situation by not acknowledging it doesn’t tackle the incivility, leaving the door open for future, similarly harmful communication. “A considerate response, sent directly to the sender, calling out with compassion and using established frameworks such as the situation-behaviour-impact model[4](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1#ref-4) is a valuable redress. For particularly egregious or repeated episodes, enlist a ‘second messenger’—escalating to your line manager has merit. “To help us decide how to respond, we should ask ourselves, ‘What do we want to gain? An apology, a change in their behaviour, or a reprimand?’ “Finally, the adage of ‘never send an email in anger’ is a wise one. Remember that we overestimate how our written word will be interpreted.[1](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1#ref-1) Good luck!” ## Don’t rush to reply ### Nima Ghadiri #### Consultant medical ophthalmologist, Liverpool University hospitals “This is something I’ve struggled with and have tended to ruminate over in the past. I make a point of treating colleagues with courtesy, whatever their role. “When I’ve felt undermined or belittled by an email, it has been unsettling, but it has also made me think about how difficult challenging such behaviour must be for colleagues with less seniority. “The most important advice is to pause and not rush to reply. Any urgent patient care issue needs to be tackled promptly, of course, but you need to give yourself time to consider the rest. “It can be frustrating to read the email again, but it’s necessary to identify exactly what needs answering: a criticism of your work, an allegation about your conduct, a practical request, and so on. “Your response should be factual and proportionate, not emotive—a rule that I have struggled to abide by before. If a concern is valid, acknowledge it and explain what you will do. “If an allegation is unclear or disputed, ask for specifics—for example, ‘Please clarify what is said to have happened, when, and the information supporting that account, so that I can respond properly.’ Avoid feeling obliged to defend your entire character in an email. “Be clear about the communication itself: ‘I’m happy to discuss concerns but I found the wording of your email demeaning and would appreciate us addressing the specific issue respectfully.’ “Focus on the words and their impact, without speculating about motives, even if you might be ruminating over them. Where factual allegations remain disputed, ask how these will be examined and any inaccuracies corrected. “Then retain or archive any correspondence. If the behaviour is repeated or it affects your ability to work, seek support from a trusted manager, your union, or the relevant workplace process. “Support for your wellbeing is crucial, as is a fair examination of what happened. Be clear if you need both.” ## Be curious rather than judgmental ### Maiedha Raza #### GP and associate professor “As a GP, receiving rude or confrontational emails can be difficult, particularly during an already busy working day. “One practical safeguard is to avoid opening emails in the middle of clinic, if possible. An unexpected complaint, a sharp message from a colleague, or bad news of any kind can be unsettling. “Carrying that emotional weight into the next consultation is unfair to both the patient in front of you and to you. Where possible, check emails at a planned ‘email break’ during the day, when there is time to absorb what has been said. “If a message does provoke a strong reaction, it can be helpful to step away before replying. A short distraction activity, such as making a drink, allows the initial emotion to settle. Returning to the email later creates space to consider what may be behind the message and to separate its tone from the underlying concern. A calm response can acknowledge the sender’s feelings without necessarily agreeing with inappropriate or disrespectful language. “Tone can be easily lost in emails, so I have sometimes responded by picking up the phone or speaking to the sender in person rather than replying by email. Quite often they have been unaware that their email came across as rude. “Compassion does not mean that unacceptable behaviour has to be tolerated. If communication becomes abusive, threatening, or persistent, appropriate boundaries should be maintained in line with practice policies, and support sought from a partner or line manager, while continuing to communicate respectfully. “Approaching challenging emails with curiosity rather than judgment helps us remember that there is often stress or distress behind rudeness, whoever is the sender. “As GPs, maintaining kindness, professionalism, and clear boundaries allows us to care for our patients and support our colleagues while also protecting our own wellbeing and that of the wider practice team.” ## Acknowledge how you feel ### Kath Higgins #### Consultant in diabetes medicine and founder of Leicester Women in Medicine “No circumstance warrants a rude email. Even if there have been events in the run up, most people do not expect to receive a rude email. “If you receive a rude email, quickly establish whether there is a patient safety issue that requires immediate action. “If there isn’t, close the email—but do not delete it. I keep any such emails in a specific folder, removing them from my inbox but ensuring the email can be referred to if necessary. “Take a moment to acknowledge how it has made you feel. It is normal to feel shock, anger, frustration, threat, despair, or vulnerability. Your feelings are valid. Think about whether this is something you may wish to discuss with a trusted colleague. “Don’t rush to respond. Allow your immediate reaction to settle and take time to consider how you want to handle it. “When you feel ready, draft a response. Keep it brief and professional. Personally, I would start by stating how the email made me feel. No one can dispute how you felt. I would then respond to any factual content with a factual reply, leaving out emotion and avoiding encouraging further dialogue by email. “Whether you copy a colleague into your reply will depend on the context of the email and will be a personal judgment. I would advise strongly against a ‘cc all’ approach. “Whether you suggest a follow-up phone call or meeting is up to you and may be influenced by your relationship with the sender. Remember you can always ask a trusted colleague to join you if you feel that a face-to-face meeting is needed. “A rude email is not reflective of you or your capability, knowledge, or skills. It may be reflective of a colleague who is struggling or who is regularly behaving unacceptably. “Protect yourself, take time to respond, remain professional, and seek support from a trusted colleague.” ## References 1. [↵](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1#xref-ref-1-1 "View reference 1 in text") 1. Kruger J, 2. Epley N, 3. Parker J, 4. et al . Egocentrism over e-mail: can we communicate as well as we think? J Pers Soc Psychol2005;89:925-36.pmid:16393025.doi:10.1037/0022-3514.89.6.925 [OpenUrl](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/{openurl}?query=rft.jtitle%253DJournal%2Bof%2Bpersonality%2Band%2Bsocial%2Bpsychology%26rft.stitle%253DJ%2BPers%2BSoc%2BPsychol%26rft.aulast%253DKruger%26rft.auinit1%253DJ.%26rft.volume%253D89%26rft.issue%253D6%26rft.spage%253D925%26rft.epage%253D936%26rft.atitle%253DEgocentrism%2Bover%2Be-mail%253A%2Bcan%2Bwe%2Bcommunicate%2Bas%2Bwell%2Bas%2Bwe%2Bthink%253F%26rft_id%253Dinfo%253Adoi%252F10.1037%252F0022-3514.89.6.925%26rft_id%253Dinfo%253Apmid%252F16393025%26rft.genre%253Darticle%26rft_val_fmt%253Dinfo%253Aofi%252Ffmt%253Akev%253Amtx%253Ajournal%26ctx_ver%253DZ39.88-2004%26url_ver%253DZ39.88-2004%26url_ctx_fmt%253Dinfo%253Aofi%252Ffmt%253Akev%253Amtx%253Actx)[CrossRef](https://www.bmj.com/lookup/external-ref?access_num=10.1037/0022-3514.89.6.925&link_type=DOI)[PubMed](https://www.bmj.com/lookup/external-ref?access_num=16393025&link_type=MED&atom=%2Fbmj%2F395%2Fbmj-2026-101152.atom)[Web of Science](https://www.bmj.com/lookup/external-ref?access_num=000234609000007&link_type=ISI)[Google Scholar](https://www.bmj.com/lookup/google-scholar?link_type=googlescholar&gs_type=article&author\[0\]=J+Kruger&author\[1\]=N+Epley&author\[2\]=J+Parker&title=Egocentrism+over+e-mail:+can+we+communicate+as+well+as+we+think&publication_year=2005&journal=J+Pers+Soc+Psychol&volume=89&pages=925-36) 2. [↵](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1#xref-ref-2-1 "View reference 2 in text") 1. Gawdat M, 2. Law A . Unstressable: a practical guide to stress-free living. St. Martin’s Essentials; 2024. [Google Scholar](https://www.bmj.com/lookup/google-scholar?link_type=googlescholar&gs_type=article&q_txt=.+Unstressable%3A+a+practical+guide+to+stress-free+living.+St.+Martin%E2%80%99s+Essentials%3B+2024.) 3. [↵](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1#xref-ref-3-1 "View reference 3 in text") 1. Fisher J . The next conversation: argue less, talk more. TarcherPerigee; 2025. [Google Scholar](https://www.bmj.com/lookup/google-scholar?link_type=googlescholar&gs_type=article&q_txt=.+The+next+conversation%3A+argue+less%2C+talk+more.+TarcherPerigee%3B+2025.) 4. [↵](https://www.bmj.com/content/395/bmj-2026-101152.short?rss=1#xref-ref-4-1 "View reference 4 in text") Center for Creative Leadership. 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